Regular Right Guy

Full Caf Americano®

Government Shutdown: Non-Essential Employees Face Essential Status

harryreidapAttention: Essential Bachman-Turner video included in government workers care package below.

alt + shift

Think what this means. It is possible that Harry Reid could lose his entire staff. The Capitol hair salons, gyms and the Honorary Barney Frank Steam Room could be closed down.

Worse yet, Dick Durbin may lose his weekly Stupid Hour because that SOB Reid will fire his staff to save his own and no one will be left to write Dick’s loony Senate-floor blather. Islamophobes!

Other serious things that will ostensibly happen, probably at, like, 12:01 A.M.

AP, RRG’s personal frontrunner for becoming America’s Pravda, may have to just email their private correspondence directly to the NSA; the agency might not have the money to obtain secret warrants for a while.

But most importantly—to employ my second-to-last disingenuous liberal stock phrase before these insane teabag terrorists hurl us over the cliff—think of the children

Ultimately, this may result in the loss of a Muppet or Barney, and where will dunderheaded preschool mothers across the country be when Burt and Ernie can’t indoctrinate little Rayne and Exeter (Now known as X to all his little 3-year-old friends because aren’t those cool names)?

Have I missed anything? Yes! 825,000 nonessential government employees…

Everybody, c’mon now, Work Out! UNION! UNION! UNION!

Help nonessential low-level GS workers who frank congressional snail mail retain their jobs. All they want do is work, you guys, and hang around a stuff. Think think think. Just being called unessential is so demeaning when you’re… um, not needed.


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15 comments on “Government Shutdown: Non-Essential Employees Face Essential Status

  1. thatmrgguy
    September 30, 2013

    Thanks. My readership just climbed to about ten now. 😉

  2. Chandler's Ghost
    October 1, 2013

    Linked and denounced. 😉

    • Regular Right Guy
      October 1, 2013

      Forgot, tell Mary being denounced by RRG is probably a good thing. Okay, an absolute shoo-in.

  3. Pingback: Blackmailers Don’t Shoot Denounces Regular Right Guy | Blackmailers Don't Shoot

    • Regular Right Guy
      October 1, 2013

      Think about, Blackie, it was ultimate Mary Carey compliment. Mary Carey sucks. Can this be denied?

      • Chandler's Ghost
        October 1, 2013

        I know! And I can’t say “Well, she doesn’t anymore, at least on camera” because that would be a cheap blue joke…oh dammit.

      • thatmrgguy
        October 1, 2013


      • Regular Right Guy
        October 1, 2013

        Catholics are sooo cool about these things.

      • Regular Right Guy
        October 1, 2013

        I’m relatively certain it’s like riding a bicycle. Oops! Just lost my two evangelicals.

      • thatmrgguy
        October 1, 2013

        And probably a few Lutherans too.

      • Regular Right Guy
        October 1, 2013

        At least the full Kansas synod.

      • Chandler's Ghost
        October 1, 2013

        Funny RRG, I was originally going to accuse you of being part of a “wicked Popish plot carried out by the French,” but that seemed over the top.

  4. Pingback: This Stupid Week, con Queso Edition | Blackmailers Don't Shoot

  5. Pingback: Animal’s Daily News | Animal Magnetism

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