Regular Right Guy

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You Should Resign From Humanity, Phil Robertson

thOkay, all of the good bloggers have had their say about Duck Dynasty’s Phil Robertson’s outrageous comments in his GQ interview Wednesday, but it wouldn’t be right, dang it, for the RG to just sit here and say nothing.

I have never seen Duck Dynasty. It just seemed to me that watching a family that looks like they walked off the set of Deliverance perpetrate Southern hijinks on each other wasn’t the best use of my evenings.

Now I know I was right.

I have seen the headlines and these gay-bashing cretins who are so stupid that they still say grace over their meals are inbred crackers who still believe in Jesus.

I mean WTF? Twitter should suspend their accounts immediately.

Well, GLAAD can say it a whole lot better than Regular Right Guy:

“Phil and his family claim to be Christian, but Phil’s lies about an entire community fly in the face of what true Christians believe,” GLAAD spokesperson Wilson Cruz tells E! News in a statement. “He clearly knows nothing about gay people or the majority of Louisianans—and Americans—who support legal recognition for loving and committed gay and lesbian couples.”

Cruz adds, “Phil’s decision to push vile and extreme stereotypes is a stain on A&E and his sponsors who now need to reexamine their ties to someone with such public disdain for LGBT people and families.”

Meaning, I think, that not all gay men are into sodomy, some are, er, more oral, or like to wee-wee on each other. Mr. Robertson? Sir, you can rent DVDs on this subject, which will help you not to be so danged ignorant about everyday normal gay sex.

In the mean time, how dare you be so un-Christian by exercising your rights to freedom of speech and thought and disagreeing with all Americans everywhere that being gay is just another normal. You, sir, know nothing about being a Christian.

You probably even believe Sodom and Gomorrah were turned into toast by God because gay people lived there. Hahahaha! Everyone who’s ever been to school knows it was turned into toast by God because they were too rich and prosperous and they ate meat. How stupid can you be? You bigoted tongues-talking snake handler!

It is perfectly acceptable for a man to put his tallywacker in another consenting man’s poopshoot—if that is the way they choose to celebrate their sexuality—and if you don’t believe that sir, you should cease to exist because you are not qualified to be a human being.

I mean, the science is settled. And you, sir, are as un-Christian as un-Christian can be for not agreeing with gay people’s interpretation of the Scriptures and science and  everything else up to and including no-score T-ball.

You… you… you hater.

Disclaimer: References to oral, anal, manual manipulation, water sports or other sexual activities are made purely as examples of possible methods of gay sexual activity and not intended as medical advice. Regular Right Guy suggests readers consult their physicians and personal training professionals before attempting any heretofore erroneously alleged unnatural sexual acts, especially in public men’s rooms. No gays, lesbians or transgendered people were killed or injured in the production of this blog post.

UPDATE: Phil Robertson apologizes!

Okay, disregard everything the RG said above. Phil, anyone can learn from a simple mistake. Call Barbara Walters. No, really. Or Chaz Bono.

Se habla español

우리는 한국어를

Sisi kusema Swahilli

نحن نتكلم العربية

Ne flasim shqip

Wir sprechen Deutsch

Мы говорим по-русски

Ons praat Afrikaans

Vi taler dansk

We’re working on Azerbaijani

Merry  Christmas everybody!

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13 comments on “You Should Resign From Humanity, Phil Robertson

  1. Richard M Nixon (Deceased)
    December 19, 2013
  2. Pingback: Pajama Boy Redux … | Dead Republican Party (DeRP)

  3. Pingback: Regarding #FreeKate and New Charges … | Dead Republican Party (DeRP)

  4. thatmrgguy
    December 19, 2013

    Dude…that was the best satire I’ve read in a while! Good work.

    • Regular Right Guy
      December 20, 2013

      G Guy! Are you back? I’ll start linking immediately. Thank you, friend!

      • thatmrgguy
        December 20, 2013

        Not yet. Sadly…or not, still slinging #ChristmasTrees in South Fla. Trying to catch up on ” smarter than me phone. ” Hope y’all have a Merry Christmas.

      • Regular Right Guy
        December 20, 2013

        And to you and yours friend.

  5. gynjii
    December 20, 2013

    “Meaning, I think, that not all gay men are into sodomy, some are, er, more oral, or like to wee-wee on each other.”

    I have learned to not drink coffee while reading your posts, good sir, because I like to drink it, not spew it out my nostrils while giggle-snorting.

    • Regular Right Guy
      December 20, 2013

      Mrs. RG would tell you, ‘Don’t encourage him…’ but don’t pay any attention to her. :>))

  6. Jeff winter
    December 21, 2013

    Never read this blog before. Won’t read it again. This blogger is quite clueless about the issues surrounding homosexuality.

    • Regular Right Guy
      December 21, 2013

      “This blogger is quite clueless about the issues surrounding homosexuality.”
      Yeah, and he’s gonna stay that way.

  7. Pingback: FMJRA 2.0: Painkiller : The Other McCain

  8. Pingback: Merry Monday Christmas Linkfest | Blackmailers Don't Shoot

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This entry was posted on December 19, 2013 by in Gay Marriage, The GLAAD Bag, The GLAAD Hand and tagged , , , , .

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