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According to a couple of Hollywood trades, Russell Crowe’s new move “Noah” is accurate to the t—if you leave out God.
It does, however, have an arc and water.
Already banned in some Middle Eastern countries, Noah will rile some for the complete omission of the name “God” from the dialogue, others for its numerous dramatic fabrications and still more for its heavy-handed ecological doomsday messages, which unmistakably mark it as a product of its time. …
One of the striking things about the Noah tale is that it presents a fallible Creator, one who admits to disappointments over shortcomings in the product of the sixth day of creation with the remark, “I will blot out man whom I have created from the face of the ground, man and beast and creeping things and birds of the air, for I am sorry that I have made them.” …
Because who needs God when you’ve got Anthony Hopkins?
Crowe’s Noah is a fighter, a survivalist and yet a tortured man dismayed by the ruin brought upon the land by the others of his species. In a visit with his ancient grandfather Methuselah (Anthony Hopkins), the men agree that, “It’s men who broke the world,” and that, as a result, the Creator will destroy it. Foraging with one of his sons, Noah instructs, “We only collect what we need, what we can use.” For many today, this sort of environmental, back-to-the-earth religion has replaced the old-fashioned kind, with nonbelievers as shunned and disdained by the faithful as heathens once were by the righteous.
So God didn’t destroy the earth because of man’s sin, but because they refused to recycle the Coke cans.
But at least the peyote tea was good.
… [Darren] Aronofksy’s Noah (superbly played by Russell Crowe) doesn’t hear God’s voice booming down from the heavens like in Bill Cosby’s celebrated standup routine, or sit on the stoop shooting the breeze with the Creator like Steve Carell in “Evan Almighty.” Rather, the looming flood and the mission of the ark come to him in the course of two vividly rendered hallucinogenic dreams — one natural, the other induced by some special “tea” served up by Noah’s grandpa, Methuselah (Anthony Hopkins, leaving no bit of scenery unchewed).
Dude, someone fire up a bowl, put on the Jefferson Airplane!
Okay, this was all as predictable as a Tucker Carlson popup ad. Long gone are the days when Hollywood could tell a simple bible story for the family and leave it at that. Now we have Greenpeace to appease and Jews and Christians to offend.
Or as the Reporter nicely sums up: “Before Paul Ehrlich and Al Gore, there was Noah.”
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