Full Caf Americano®
Dear French People:
When U.S. President Barack Obama was unable to attend your solidarity rally on Sunday, some of you may have gotten the impression that our country does not support you in your fight against global… uh, ugliness.
That is 100% absolutely positively beyond any doubt whatsoever not true. It’s just that, well, you know how reticent Mr. Obama is, when it comes to making public gestures on behalf of our country that may be viewed as ridiculous by some.
In retrospect, the President should have sent a high-ranking official to show our support. Yes, that was Eric Holder having a cup of your marvelous French Roast across the street when you marched by, but, dang it, nobody thought about him.
So, sorry about that.
Anyway, President Obama has finally sent Secretary John Kerry with a big hug and a kiss, from all of us to all of you. I’m sure you’ll notice by Secretary Kerry’s long face, how sincerely grieved we are for your loss. And, man, does that “Rosetta Stone” work, or what?
So, as I said before, we are so sorry. Americans are just so un… European, when it comes to these things.
But when it gets right down to it, France—and I think you know this—we’re there for you.
Why didn’t we think of this sooner?
I mean, James Taylor!
Singing, “You’ve Got a Friend.”
Yes, but he tried.
So a BIG belated Viva la France from our president to your president, and all of you.
Love you guys.
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