Government Shutdown: Non-Essential Employees Face Essential Status

Attention: Essential Bachman-Turner video included in government workers care package below.

alt + shift

Think what this means. It is possible that Harry Reid could lose his entire staff. The Capitol hair salons, gyms and the Honorary Barney Frank Steam Room could be closed down.

Worse yet, Dick Durbin may lose his weekly Stupid Hour because that SOB Reid will fire his staff to save his own and no one will be left to write Dick’s loony Senate-floor blather. Islamophobes!

Other serious things that will ostensibly happen, probably at, like, 12:01 A.M.

AP, RRG’s personal frontrunner for becoming America’s Pravda, may have to just email their private correspondence directly to the NSA; the agency might not have the money to obtain secret warrants for a while.

But most importantly—to employ my second-to-last disingenuous liberal stock phrase before these insane teabag terrorists hurl us over the cliff—think of the children…

Ultimately, this may result in the loss of a Muppet or Barney, and where will dunderheaded preschool mothers across the country be when Burt and Ernie can’t indoctrinate little Rayne and Exeter (Now known as X to all his little 3-year-old friends because aren’t those cool names)?

Have I missed anything? Yes! 825,000 nonessential government employees…

Everybody, c’mon now, Work Out! UNION! UNION! UNION!

Help nonessential low-level GS workers who frank congressional snail mail retain their jobs. All they want do is work, you guys, and hang around a stuff. Think think think. Just being called unessential is so demeaning when you’re… um, not needed.

PLACES TO BE SEEN

The Other McCain

Harry Reid Refuses to Compromise

Banjo Player Caught in Child-Sex Sting

Shutdown Monday: Blame Harry Reid

Keep Your Patriot Hand Strong, @TedCruz

LIVE AT FIVE: 09.30.13

Rule 5 Sunday: Stardancer

MoveOn.org Fundraiser Email Blends Stupid And Infuriating

Blackmailers Don’t Shoot

Vote for Dead Richard Nixon in 2016

Dead Nixon

Mary Carey Sucks RRG Shifts 2016 Support to Dead Guy!!! (Yes, I know, ellipses and exclamation points are pretty much my life.)

Michelle Malkin

Shutdown chart of the day: The 17 other times America died

That Mr. G Guy

Vaclav Klaus: how Classical Liberal Anglo-American Economics saved the Czechs From Obama-nomics

Animal Magnetism

German Girls With Big Boobs and Appropriate Clothing

Weasel Zippers

CNN Poll: 47% Think Obama Acting Like A “Spoiled Child” In Budget Battle…